pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
