The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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