Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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