im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
