Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
