Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
