Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
