he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
