i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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