are you still at the devil's house?
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
