Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
