you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He shit in the fireplace
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