; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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