HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His nipple licking is glorious
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