so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
