I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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