I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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