I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
