I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
