Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
