im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
