I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
