I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
