Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
