You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
