Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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