i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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