they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
