worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
