but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you win again, gameday.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
