i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize