he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
