I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
