Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
