I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
