Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
