I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
