It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
