I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
