What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
