Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
