Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
