HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Pappa wants mamma naked
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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