I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
