i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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