Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
