Soap is not a condiment
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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