going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
