Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
