ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
