Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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