You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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