I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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