he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
