The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
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show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Come on in and take your pants off
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