i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
