hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
