You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
