why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Houston, we have a squirter
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
