I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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