Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
