I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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