Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
