One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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