No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
