living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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