i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize