we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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