Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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