Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
