I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
