Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
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Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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