forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
