My room smells like vodka and shame
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
