Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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